Sipping Lemonade

As a married couple, it’s all too easy to be critical of each other. To concentrate on the “towels on the floor” or the “tone in the voice” than on all the wonderful things that made you fall in love with each other.

My husband and I recently had a conversation that we want to work better at always giving each other the benefit of the doubt. If I was too short with my tone, just assume I’m tired and forgive me. If you’re late home from work, assume you’re really working hard for our family and not just exercising poor time management.

When we look for the best — and assume the best — we often get it.

On this Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be fun to make a list of the sometimes unnoticed qualities that I love in my better half.

When I was first writing this list, I thought — eh, maybe I should just tell him this over dinner tonight. After all, this sort of public gushing can seem a little braggy. But then I thought: wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all bragged on each other every once in awhile? So forgive my mush and gush, as I share 10 Surprising Reasons I Love My Husband:

1. He has great friends. Instead of feeling threatened by my husband’s friendships — or feeling as though I must love my husband in spite of them — I actually love him more because of them. After all, he chose them. And his closest friends are some of the most outstanding men I know. They love their wives. They love our family. And at the end of the day, they make him a better man.

2. He always kisses me first. Before he leaves. When he comes home from work. When he comes home from anywhere and there is a room full of kids, family, friends — all waiting for his attention — he always kisses me first.

3. He tells me my “uterus is still shrinking.” Even when it’s pretty obvious that most baby weight is NOT just “a shrinking uterus.” For all the other times he’s the most honest man I know, I truly appreciate his sweet white lie.

4. He knows how I like my coffee. And he brings it to me that way.

5. He likes dessert. And so do I. And together, we enjoy our fair share of cookie dough. (See #3). Even though I gave up dessert for Lent and am currently filming the How-To-Exercise-With-Toddlers workout series. (Not really. But good idea, right?)

6. He never asks me if I’m PMSing. Or tells me I’m just being a girl. But more importantly, he knows that I’m a girl — and loves that I’m different from him. Instead of being annoyed by his more emotional counterpart, he knows that it is because of my “girl emotions” that we’re a perfect match.

7. My interests are his interests. He may be the only Dad who reads all the posts on my new project 3 Things for Mom. And then talks to me about the posts like we’re in the same book club. He eats weird vegetable dishes when I’m on a health kick. He listens to my whining. And mostly — he cares about what I care about because he cares about me.

8. He’s “Salt of the Earth.”  He has dirty nails and builds decks and fixes faucets and then stays up in the wee hours of the night rocking a soft, crying baby in his arms. On our first date I loved that he had arm hair and that his hands were big and strong.

9. He likes my cat. Or pretends to. He even cleans up his throw-up. That’s love.

10. He dreams big. When I was in college, I watched the movie Cheaper By the Dozen. In the movie there’s a quote where “Kate” (Bonnie Hunt) tells her husband (Steve Martin), “I’m glad I found a man who dreams as big as I do.” I remember thinking that I wanted to find a man like that — not necessarily one who just had big dreams, but good dreams. Dreams that weren’t based on money or worldly success, but on a shared purpose to making the world better.

He makes the world better. He makes my life better. And when I looked for the best, I found him.

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I used to be on the “culture committee” at my old job.

It’s funny, isn’t it? The idea that we build a culture, instead of just letting the whatever-happens-to-be culture build us. In a Google search, you’ll find a lot of articles on the “office culture” topic — about throwing parties and communication and team-building: “How to Build a Teamwork Culture,” “10 Ways to Build a Business Culture,” “Building a Culture of Success” and so on.

But what you don’t find much are tips on building a family culture. One that’s built with intention and purpose. One that’s much more important than any business culture — yet is often much more neglected. How often do we organize committee meetings to discuss family engagement? Or long-term satisfaction goals? Or make sure consistent values are communicated and ingrained across our team? How well do we measure our successes — or craft an environment that will best build the culture we desire?

I worked in the advertising industry and there was a lot of emphasis on “environment.” The conversation was: If we want this to be a creative, cool, inspired shop — it has to look creative, cool and inspired. We need fun furniture and great technology. If we want new ideas, we need open spaces to encourage creativity. We need smart speakers to visit frequently and teach us new things. If we want to be different, we need to look different — let’s break down the literal walls for more free-thinking.

And while I worked there I always thought: we spend a lot of time planning, making and measuring in the business world — but what if we crafted our family cultures with the same care? What changes would we make if everything from our decor to our meals, our free-time to our neighborhood, our hobbies to our entertainment were built around the kind of family we want to be (not just what we happen to be around.)

When my husband and I first got married, we knew we shared common values and priorities. We had a plan. Goals. Dreams. But when babies came into the picture — and soon, 3 babies under 4-years-old — we realized that we needed to be more intentional with our family culture, rather than just letting the days drag us on a crazy roller coaster ride. It didn’t take long to see if the environment, goals, and plan aren’t in place — it’s very easy for the chaos to dictate the culture, rather than the culture calming the chaos.

So we did what any successful organization filled with smart, capable people does — we formed a committee. A party of two parents who would draw up a plan for creating our family culture.

“I want land,” Matt said. “Acreage for the kids to roam and climb trees. Enough room for a vegetable garden so they can learn that food doesn’t just come from a store.”

“I want us to cook a lot,” I said, “I want us to appreciate good, healthy food and for us to have a lively, active kitchen.”

“I want a music room,” Matt said. “I want family sing-a-longs and dance parties. I want music instead of TV.”

“I want us to be active,” I said, “To take family walks and runs and play sports together.”

We talked about everything from our house to our free-time. Our hobbies to future schooling options. And if the rule of parenting is to become the person you want your children to be, we knew it needed to start with us. Less glowing technology, more reading and art. Less sitting, more exercising. Less sweets, more veggies. And so on.

As Henry David Thoreau said, “What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” And so it is with us. By realizing that we’re not just shaping what our children do, but who they become.

So far the committee has been living up to their goals — starting with an environment that supports them. We cancelled cable. Bought some land. And are in the process of moving closer to family. We’re eating more veggies, singing more songs, and saying more prayers. And mostly, we’re being more intentional.

After all, if we want our children to help build a better culture for the world — it starts in our own little world, our family.

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We were still tweaking things on the share buttons and comment section this morning — crosschecking functionality and aesthetics between browsers — and making sure that everything overall “works.” And I think it does.

We’ve officially launched over at 3ThingsforMom.com.

I’m thrilled that we have such a phenomenal cast of women to help us jumpstart this week. I’ve read several of their 3 Things already and have already had many head-nodding, “amen sister,” aha moments.

Isn’t it funny how the more simply stated something is, the more profound its affect?

If you’d like, check out my first post there today where I introduce the idea and the crew this week.

In other news, I’ll still be blogging here regularly. This is a special place for me to share little creative moments of inspiration — and also to tell you the story of why mommies (or just me) aren’t good at playing “dinosaurs.”

My (almost) 4-year-old boy: Mommy, let’s play dinosaurs. (brings three plastic dinosaur toys over, hands me one.)

Me: Great!

Boy: OK, this one shoots fire. This one shoots smoke.

Me: Mine is hungry and wants a bagel, then to have a dance party.

Boy: But when can they all shoot smoke and fire?

Me: How about they just kiss? Mmmmmuuuahhh…

Boy: No! They shoot fire and SMOKE!

Me: OK, fine. Pssshhh Pshhh (that’s my shooting noise, sounds more like a splashing dolphin, not as good as Daddy’s) AHHHHH!!!!! He fell over.

Boy: (laughing)

Me: OK, now dance party. “Daaaaannnce parrrrty… daaaance, daaaaance party…” (T-Rex is doing the twist)

Boy: Yay, dancing dinosaurs! (Stegosaurus is flailing about.)

What can I say, I’m a girl.  I’m getting used to playing with rough and tumble boys. In the meantime, I think dancing is a good common ground.

“Daaaaannnce parrrrty… daaaance, daaaaance party…”

Have a great holiday!

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So I’ve been working on a side project that will finally be birthed next week. And like one of those birth stories on TLC, I’m inviting you all to join me! Except you’ll be in the comfort of your own home and not with a crowd of people around a birthing tub.

Hope that’s not disappointing.

The project is called 3ThingsforMom.com. It doesn’t launch til’ next Monday, but because it’s just us, I wanted to give you a sneak peek.

Here’s an excerpt from the “About” page to give you an idea of the new project:

I’m a big blog lover and I never feel like I have enough time to read all the blogs I want (do you feel the same?) Then one day, I had an “aha moment.” What if — I thought — there were a quick-read resource where every day a different wonderful blogger could share just 3 things: a Truth (a nugget of mama wisdom), a Tip (something shared in the sisterhood that makes life easier) and a Find (a product you tell all your friends about).

And thus, 3ThingsforMom.com was born.

My vision for 3ThingsforMom.com is for it to be a daily dose of inspiration — where every morning, you’ll be able to take in your daily 3 Things over a cup of Joe. Discover new mom writers. Cool tips. Neat products. Fresh perspectives. Every week day.

Imagine the good things that can come from just 3 things.

Even more exciting is our cast of bloggers for launch week, such as:

Beth Berry from Revolution at Home. Beth’s an amazing writer with a great story (currently living with her four daughters and husband in small town Mexico) — and you have very possibly heard of her popular post, “Let’s All Compare Our Perfect Lives, Then Try To Enjoy Our Day.”

Elke Govertsen — Founder and editor-and-chief of Mamalode magazine, named “America’s best parenting magazine” by Lisa Stone, CEO of BlogHer. Elke has been featured in Real Simple, Where Women Create, 406 Woman, Ad Tech, and entrepreneur.com.

The ever-so-funny, Amber Dusick, from her wildly popular blog, Crappy Pictures. She also blogs for the Huffington Post and has received tons of accolades. She is one of the few bloggers whose writing actually makes me laugh out loud — like, the kind where other people look at me and say, “You OK?” Here’s one of my favorites.

And that’s just the first week.

So you can see why I’m excited for this baby to be born!

And because you’re the first I’m telling about it — please “like” it, if you do, well, like it. If you don’t like it, then that’s fine too. Free country.

Visit 3ThingsforMom.com on Facebook.

Or tweet with us on Twitter.

Or, when the site is up next week, you can subscribe to receive your daily 3 Things sent straight to your email inbox — just around the same time your coffee maker goes “Beeeep.”

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It’s weird when your kids get to the age where they keep you company.

Babies keep you busy, of course. And young toddlers certainly keep you on your toes. Those very early days, weeks, years — they have a special magic all their own.

But my oldest — my boy — he’s turning four soon. And lately, I’ve realized that I enjoy his company in a whole new way.

In the way where he tells stories that I find captivating.

And jokes that make me giggle.

He has fantastic comedic timing.

And a truly wonderful curiosity.

And tonight — while I was dancing silly to some song on the radio — he started chanting, “Go Mom, Go Mom, Go Mom…” Giving me the same kind of encouragement I dote on him. Stepping out of himself to cheer on his old ma’.

We carried a basket of laundry together today. He held one handle, I held the other. And earlier he called my name — and when I answered, he simply said: “Love you.” We sang along to familiar tunes on the radio. And when I sang him the lullaby I made up for Kate tonight, he listened intently to every word — and then, when I was finished, he said: “Sing it again” and told me it was good.

And isn’t that the reward of parenthood? In all the love we pour out of ourselves — we receive it tenfold — in little people who grow up to be big people who we pray will be good people.

And if we’re lucky, great company.

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We’re cleaning you up real spic and span tonight.

Tomorrow there are some strangers coming to visit you to see if they may want to buy you. (I know you were wondering why I was scrubbing the floor in the pantry.) They’ll comment on how big your rooms are — how open your views. They’ll knock on your walls and peek in your closets. And they’ll probably think you’re a nice enough house.

But only time will tell them how you’re a really great home.

How you’re gentle with toddlers when they sprint on your tile. How you hold the sound of a fussy newborn in the cradle of your walls. How you light up at dinner parties and cozy in at Christmas time.

They won’t know how Matt and I slow-danced on your deck in the rain when we were first dating. Or how many times the kids and I colored gardens of chalk on your driveway. Or how we got engaged in your livingroom. And brought our first, second and third-born through your front door. How we spent mornings sipping coffee beneath your trees — and evenings throwing the frisbee for the dog in your grass.

They may comment that you’ve been well cared for — but what they won’t know is how well you’ve cared for us.

Tomorrow we’ll go for a drive while the strangers come to meet you. Don’t be nervous, we’ll make sure you’re good and ready. And know that even though we’re moving away from you — you’ll always be a part of us. You’ve been a good house, a great home, and an unforgettable dwelling where the walls don’t just talk, they sing.

And every word is a love story.

“Be grateful for the home you have, knowing that at this moment, all you have is all you need.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach

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Eat only when you’re hungry.

Choose the box over the toy.

Say hi to strangers. Especially when they look grumpy.

Be proud of your gut.

Ask “Why” a lot. Don’t settle til’ you’re satisfied.

When in doubt, make a poop joke.

Negotiate your destiny.

Sleep when you’re grumpy.

Despise injustice.

Have a point of view.

Be easily bribed by sugar.

Drink from cups that make you feel fancy.

Be in awe of your body.

Wear your pajamas to the grocery store. Paired with a birthday hat.

Play the role of the good guy.

Greet friends with gusto when they come to the door.

Tell people you need them.

Don’t be afraid to say no.

Or to say yes.

Seek out people who make you laugh.

Pray in song.

Sing in church.

Dance in undies.

Moo at cows.

Believe you can do it yourself.

Believe you’re adorable.

Believe.

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