State of the Onion

Mr. Speaker of the Sprout, Mr. Diced President, members of Watercress, distinguished zests, and fellow Asparagus:

Lettuce reflect on the past year. On the past 52 leeks. We’ve been peeled down to our inner layers, put on the chopping block, and pushed to the boiling point. But we must not lose hope! We must bloom where we are planted – and hope for good jobs with a higher celery.

Together, we can make grape things happen. But if it is to be, it is up to pea. Remember, tomato is the first day of the rest of your life. People say I don’t carrot. But of course I do! I am not just in charge of this country produce stand. I am this country produce stand. And what came first? The chicken or the eggplant?

It begins with our youth. But, kids these days. They think they’re so radicchio. I have a message for the young ones: If you want to ripen up, it’s about thyme you made hard work a priority. Don’t let yourself go rotten.

And then there’s marriage. Less people are diving into a parsnip. People carry too much cabbage. They say, “I don’t know who I yam. I want to toss in the salad.”

We can turnip things around, but we have to do it together. We must not give up. There’s a lot more left to stew.


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