I was feeding Kate the other night and decided to send the following “welcome” email out to my creative department at work.
These are the sorts of emails that we usually send out for new employees – who are actually human beings – but I thought it would be fun to send one out about my new fish.
Here’s what it said:
You may or may not have met our newest intern, Shojimoto (“Moto”). He is betta testing the office as an aspiring creative.
Moto grew up at Petsmart in a small plastic cup. This isolated, and often lonely, environment has made him very imaginative (and a bit neurotic) – and therefore he is a perfect fit for our department.
If you’d like to give him a snack, his favorite food is commercial betta pellets, a delicious combination of mashed shrimp meal, wheat flour, fish meal, brine shrimp, bloodworms, and vitamins.
I’ve read that the betta fish will flare or puff out their gill covers in order to appear more impressive, either to intimidate other rivals or as an act of courtship. If he reacts this way to you, I’d take it as flattery.
Anyway, stop by and say hi to our new little fishy who lives in a pod on my wall.
After a day of no response, I finally received an email from my friend Kevin (who I think felt sorry for me) that said,
“A welcome email for office pets?!!! Way to raise the bar :)”
I saw him later and said, “You’re the only one who responded to my email.”
To which he replied sensitively, “Yeah… I think everyone thought it was… weird.”
To which I didn’t disagree.
And that is all.